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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29992917">Forgiveness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrdxst/pseuds/starrdxst'>starrdxst</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Ellie &amp; Joel Bonding (The Last of Us), Ellie Angst (The Last of Us), Ellie Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Grief/Mourning, Joel Dies (The Last of Us), Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Softie Joel (The Last of Us)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:48:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29992917</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrdxst/pseuds/starrdxst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ellie and Joel have one last bonding moment through their shared passion for music</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ellie &amp; Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie/Joel (The Last of Us)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Forgiveness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Additional info: fluff, heartache, ellie wants to forgive him, joel is hurting, they miss each other, this is so full of feels, i was half asleep writing this so im sorry if this doesnt make much sense lol, angsty ending </p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Forgiveness comes with a price that many people do not recognize - it's realizing how much you've let that specific action or word hurt you. How you allowed it to drive you away from those you love most.</p><p>Ellie struggles to pay her debt to the man who took her in under his wing like a father; protector. Joel always judged his actions by weighing out the consequences that may arise in the young women's life - never worried about himself. Joel doesn't care what happens to him. All he wants is for Ellie to grow up around people who love her. To guide her if needed.</p><p>Ellie doesn't understand why she is so pulled towards the wonderful melody of his guitar. Her chest pinched in anguish - gazing into his eyes will shatter her spirit all over again. She understands how poorly treated he is. The scowls and attitude she propels his way is her fucked up version of negotiating with her emotions. Ellie is so fucking angry she could scream at him - so hurt that she could weep for days - she doesn't, not anymore at least. She once believed what she felt towards Joel was hatred. No, it's not that at all, she realizes now. She felt betrayed. All the faith she poured into that man dripped right out the day he told her the heart wrenching truth.</p><p>Walking up to his steps, she holds her breath. Her melancholic eyes watch the aging man play a beautiful tune, eyes closed and foot-tapping mindlessly. The slightest smile emerges on her lips - she thinks back to the first day he taught her how to play. Not only did he teach her how to play his favorite instrument, but he's also taught her so much more. Joel taught Ellie how to endure and survive.</p><p>Ellie looks up to Joel despite what he did - Joel is the strongest person she knows to this day. He fights to stay alive, not for him, but for those he loves and cares about. Joel isn't fearful of death - he's terrified of leaving Ellie before he can teach all his lessons and pass on his proficiency of being a survivor.</p><p>Joel lifts his head to discover Ellie standing a respectful distance away. His heart sinks at the remembrance of her breakdown - how she shoved him away physically and emotionally. Nonetheless, he allows himself to grin kindly and moves to place his guitar down. Maybe she yearns for conversation? He'd do anything to just.. talk everything out.</p><p>Ellie is quick to stop him though. She strides closer - this is the closest she's been since. Joel puts on a questioning glance; she nods her head gesturing toward the guitar.</p><p>"It's fine, I haven't heard you play in a while.." Ellie's words trail off with uncertainty; should she keep talking? No, she tells herself. She may bring up the past again - ruining the possibility to start the healing process. She misses him.</p><p>Joel feels comfortable sharing his interests. He opens up whenever she lets him talk - but this? It's been so long. Too long. Joel wants to hug his babygirl again, see her smile whenever he shares a corny dad joke. Joel senses that familiar sting that's so deep in his chest - he clears his throat before nodding and plucking away at his precious six-string, the vibrations low yet soft.</p><p>Ellie starts leaning back against the porch railing - soon she feels uncomfortable so she visits her beloved spot from years ago: Sitting right beside him on the porch, legs crossed and eyes twinkling with love. The same love she had years back when they were like two peas in a pod. Permanently fused.</p><p>She doesn't remember the first song but she memorizes the second one: Future Days</p><p>Ellie swallows in guilt. Tears prickle the corner of her eyes. Joel let her in after they got back to Jackson. He sang for her, told her about Sarah. Ellie didn't think much of it back then. Right now she wishes she could slap her younger self for being so foolish. Joel only wanted the best for her because he loved her as his own.</p><p>She worries if he still loves her. Does Joel dislike her now? Hate her? Ellie pushes away her thoughts to concentrate on the song.</p><p>Ellie can't stop the hot tears rolling down her cheeks. She doesn't wipe them away, she soaks in the moment to appreciate his acceptance. She treated him like absolute shit yet he still maintains his promise to care for her.</p><p>By this point, Joel has come to a stop. He is focused on her sitting beside him, her head tilted to the side to rest on his arm. It's like she's a kid again during movie nights - always falling asleep on him with popcorn everywhere.</p><p>Ellie sniffs and Joel frowns. She finally wipes her cheeks with her sleeve sighing softly.</p><p>She feels so alone that she cannot take it anymore. With a broken, raspy voice - she peeks up at him with a trembling bottom lip.</p><p>This is the moment where she finally breaks and gives a clarification of the type of bond they developed while on the road together.</p><p>"I love you, Dad."</p><p>—</p><p>That was then. This is now.</p><p>Ellie muffles her cries of grief, her cold fingers pinching at the rubble and grass around his grave. His name is beautifully etched into the stone - fresh flowers delicately planted near.</p><p>Their last conversation loops like a song; playing over and over again in her head.</p><p>Losing Joel meant losing a piece of herself. Ellie lost her strength; her motivation to get out of bed to live yet another redundant day.</p><p>She doesn't eat. She doesn't sleep.</p><p>Joel would be yelling at her right now if he could see how poorly she's taking care of herself but honest to god, in her heart, she'd take him screaming at her about how reckless she can be rather than the silence she receives whenever she whispers to the stone.</p><p>Forgiveness that arrives too late comes with a price that many people do not recognize</p>
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